Wine, Moths and Snakes… OH NO!

I’m a wine lover.

In my world there is no better way to wrap up a nice evening than to pour a glass of wine, step outside on the deck and sip away as I look up at the stars.

This is exactly what I was doing a few nights ago as I enjoyed the warm spring night here in the mountains of Virginia. However, with the porch light on, nature – in the form of flying insects, were flocking to the walkway on my deck in droves. Overwhelmed at an alarming rate, and having no desire to end up with bugs in my wine – I grab the insect spray, pointed it at the porch light and sprayed away.

Content with my thorough dousing of the insects I dash back a few steps to avoid getting hit by the over-spray. When I turn around to see the results, I’m met with the most startling sight.

A snake.

A large snake.

A large, long pissed off snake about 3 feet from my face… ho shit!!

The following takes place:

Me: *blinks in stunned silence at the sight before me but remains quiet and motionless*

Snake: *Hisses at me in an agitated manner as it starts to unfurl from the porch light*

Me: *Calls husband’s name as I continue to watch my scaly visitor move*

Husband: “Yes, Baby?”

Snake: *hiss hiss*

Me: Thinking – *I’m so sorry Mister Snake. If I had know you were there I would have never sprayed you like that – in fact I would have kept me and my wine sipping in the house… my apologies* – Calls Husband’s name 3 times in a row* (It’s all I can manage to do)

Husband: *Comes to the door* “What’s wrong?”

Me: “There’s a snake on the porch light and it’s slowly moving toward me.”

Husband: O.o *looks over at light through the screen door* “F*ck!!”

Me: “Yeah, kinda my thought too. Could you slowly open the screen door so it’s between me and our uninvited guest? I’d really appreciate not being out here any longer.”

Husband: *opens door – So I can slide inside*

Okay, so now I’m inside the house and safe but there is still a decent sized snake on the porch light (it’s well over three feet long). It’s almost midnight and I have no desire to let him slither off to hide somewhere else outside on the deck or patio. My husband (The Satyr) is not a “Man versus Wild” kind of guy but he arms up with a broom, puts his sneakers on and grabs a flash light. He’s about as ready as he can get at the hour on short notice.

Luckily for all of us, the adult children were home and had just settled into bed so I go knock.

Me: *knock knock knock*

My daughter The Sprite: “Yes?”

Me: I hate to disturb you guys at this hour but I need your help getting this snake off the porch light.

The Sprite: “Mommy, that doesn’t make any sense??!”

Her Fiance: “I think it does, Honey. I’m pretty sure your mom said there is a snake on the deck light and I need to go help take care of it.”

The Sprite: “Why is there a snake!!??”

Me: Thinking – *that’s a valid question that I have no answer for. I’m just as shocked as you are*

We all are up and about now. My son, The Imp, takes one look at the situation, calls the snake a nope rope and a danger noodle and immediately decides wants nothing to do with the fiasco before taking up residence on the couch. The rest of us go outside in our Pjs armed with – 2 flashlights, the kitchen broom, a plastic pole, some work gloves, a knife and a push broom…. yes this has us all looking as ridiculous as it sounds.

About fifteen minutes later we had the snake taken care of and all is well but I’d have to say that was the last thing I expected from deciding to step outside with my Chardonnay.

Have you guys had any interesting run ins with nature? Please feel free to share.

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20 comments

  1. Ok, Lol, my son would have loved this and will go crazy seeing the snake! It reminds me of my classmate in 4th grade that he uses our school bathroom! Lol, His trying to poop when he noticed head on the way to him he run naked in front of everyone! lol

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t recall any personal stories of run-ins. Although my parents claim when I was a baby a bear came up to the table they were picnicking on and took some food while I was there, leaving me alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had a huge snake in my yard up north. I looked out of the window and it was burrowing along the side of the house. I wasn’t sure I saw what I thought so I went out, and sure enough. He was big enough to make me think of the movie Tremors, lol! I hate snakes.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It was quite interesting experience. It made me laugh & it was frightening too. Glad that you’re safe & you faced it quite courageously. Here, it is so common to see & encounter snakes but I admit that still it is quite fearful & frightening experience everytime. This post of yours reminded me of several such type of moments.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve never had to deal with large snakes slithering about wild in MN. I can imagine how that would be a little freaky! I’mmore afraid of spiders than snakes though, so if it were a big spider crawling on my porch towards me, I’d flip out and break the door or window or whatever to get inside and away.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This made me laugh. I have so rarely seen a snake in Chicago, I think I would DIE of fear if I saw on that large and that close. I will say though, what we do have a lot of up here is mice and spiders. And last summer we were getting our some window wells dug out and a drain pipe moved and the workers hit a nest of mice near the window well…I had over 20 mice in my house at one time! No joke! They all scampered in through the basement and they were EVERYWHERE! Me and all five kids were horrified. And though he’ll never admit it, so was my husband. I had to call someone to come and catch them!

    Liked by 1 person

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